Organized Treasure: Blog
Katie McAllister, Professional Organizer
After Timmy was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes five years ago, we participated in Boscov’s Halloween Candy Trade In Program – they offered kids with juvenile diabetes the option to trade in a bag of candy for a modest gift card – it was about $10, which was enough to get a small toy. While T1D children can have carbs and sugar (they just need to count, and cover with insulin), it is better in moderation, so this was a really positive initiative, offering an incentive to reduce that carb load!
What a great idea!
In our house, Halloween candy (especially the less desirables) can stay around until Easter, tucked away in a drawer or corner of a closet. I have tried some options to discourage this candy hoard, but most have been “sticks” rather than carrots - whatever is not eaten by Thanksgiving comes down to the kitchen and is up for grabs for anyone. This seems fair, but is always met with groans, and since my kids stick pretty well to family guidelines for number of treats a day, it always seems to sneak up on them and is received as a NEGATIVE.
This year I’m trying the Halloween Buy Back – they will have 24 hours to set aside those items they really don’t want and get cold hard cash in return. This has been received positively – they can see the value of cash – and will incentivize letting go up front of those varieties that they just don’t love. This is a skill I want them to develop, and using incentives to instill good habits is useful for all of us!
I think we will go with 5 pieces of candy for $1 this year. You could make the buy back anything you want, but I think the sweet spot would end up between a dime and a quarter/candy. Stating it in terms of how many /dollar both makes it more valuable (A dollar still buys you something good) and gives you more flexibility in not having to land on an even number of cents (7/$1 makes more sense than 14c/candy). My kids love IceBreakers gum (me too!), and you don’t get a lot of good gum at Trick or Treat (maybe some Double Bubble here and there), so I know Megan is already mentally reminding herself that she is essentially trading for gum, which is what she would have chosen from a “Pick Two” bowl anyway!
Buy back candy can be shared with mom and dad, put out at a party, or donated (buyer’s choice).
I have heard of others who add in the mystery of the Halloween Fairy who accepts the donations and leaves toys or money in their place. That’s a fun twist as well!!
If your focus is to reduce carbs in your home, you may want to use a higher buy back.
If your focus is to encourage open hands and hearts, you may want to forego the money all together and take the time to “Reverse Trick or Treat” in an senior community that doesn’t get trick or treaters – dress up again, fill your bags with give away candy, and spend an afternoon opening the bags at each door for older residents to pick two of THEIR favorites!! Dressing up is half the fun, and what a surprise for a homeowner to open their door to your little cuties and their sweet offerings!!
May you find your own variations that help you reduce the sugar load and the secret stashes and encourage your kids to share from their abundance!! Have a safe and fun night of costumes, exercise, friends, and neighbors!
If you have an interest in decluttering and organizing and have read how-to books and articles, you have likely been introduced to the concept of Minimalism. In this post, we'll discuss some common misconceptions of Minimalism, and next month, I'll offer my favorite definitions by favorite minimalist thinkers. We'll also come back - a lot - to my favorite definition: Intentional. If it were up to me, we would call it the Intentionality Movement and probably reduce a lot of the misconceptions surrounding "Minimalism"!
As with so many things, Minimalism looks different for each person as they embrace its concepts with their personalities, values, interests, styles, and unique selves!! But when many people hear the term Minimalism, they instantly conjure up some mental images, generalizations that do not have to be part of what Minimalism looks like on YOU!
Myth #1: Minimalist houses are sparse and WHITE.
This is my first mental image, and there may be a definition of minimal interior design that makes this true. But the minimalist movement has moved beyond that interior design aspect. Minimalists can be collectors, love color, love sentimental objects, and surround themselves with warm comfy throws! But they will be intentional: curate their collections, choose great pops of color, limit sentimental objects to favorite memories on display, and get great use out of their decorative throws. What good are treasures in a box in the basement?
My house would scream minimalist to exactly NO ONE. But every time I sweep through with fresh eyes, or paint a room and decide what deserves to go back up on my walls, I seem to find another item that isn't earning its keep. If it isn't making me smile every time I walk past, it at least needs to be reassessed and reconsidered. I am continually amazed at the truth of the phrase: "less is more"!
Myth #2: Minimalists don't believe in fashion.
This might conjure the mental image of Steve Jobs: daily "uniform," black turtleneck, an almost empty wardrobe full of neutrals. Minimalists are unlikely to have closets stuffed to the gills with clothes they haven't worn in ages - whether because the clothes are the wrong size, poor-fitting, ugly splurge purchases, no longer in style, etc. They are very likely to be in tune with THEIR style rather than swayed by every newest trend. But plenty love fashion, and dress in colors and shapes that flatter their complexions and bodies.
I am no fashionista, but I am learning to be intentional with my purchases, only buying what makes me feel great, rather than what is on sale. I am learning to let go of the extras in my wardrobe that just aren't me, and give them away. To focus on the fact I have learned something about my style rather than just having lost money. I think the most surprising change for me is that I am slowly paring my neutrals down to black (rather than browns and grays and blues and blacks). It is my favorite neutral and looks great with the bright, bold colors I enjoy. And I don't feel I have to give up jeans - I'll keep wearing the dark wash I've always gravitated to.
Myth #3: They hate books, too.
<--Here's my mental image - the strong reaction of book lovers to Marie Kondo. Would the minimalist movement, or your favorite organizer, encourage you to reconsider your relationship with physical books, as you would other things? Probably so. Does this mean they don't read and disdain the pursuit of knowledge? Or that no minimalist home needs bookshelves? Probably not. But let's face it - sometimes we keep books on our shelves that we haven't even read because we like what they say about who we are. Sometimes we keep references we will never refer to or novels we will never revisit. And, in my mind, sharing is caring. Most book lovers are excited to share the books they truly love - loaning with open hearts - even while knowing they may have to repurchase the next time they want to "loan". I think it is with the books we haven't read that we have the strangest, or most unhealthy, relationship.
I think for me, this added some new questions to my arsenal. As I think about my intention to make my home a place of comfort and welcome, I often remind myself that libraries, museums, and gardens hold items for everyone to share and enjoy. When I look at books that have sat on my shelves for years, I ask: Will this add to the next "chapter" of my life? Is this something I would buy in the store if I saw it today? Might this serve a *better* purpose in someone else's home, temporarily, or permanently? And now we are back to being book lovers, sharing our treasures with open arms!
Myth #4: Minimalists count the number of items in their closet or home.
You will read books and Challenges referring to numbers of items. I picture Minimalists humble bragging about how few things they own, or into what tiny suitcase they can squeeze all their worldly possessions. Minimalism could be defined as a process of figuring out the "minimum" you need to be content. I think some personalities strongly identify with a challenge and taking the more extreme route. But the minimalist movement is more about being intentional about what we own and allow in our lives than keeping tallies and should never be about comparison or judgment!
I can't imagine trying to hit artificially chosen "number of items" goals in my home, in a room, in my "capsule wardrobe". But the concepts of figuring out what I can do without, what is the least I need, what others would benefit from more, really inspire me at times. We are so accustomed to our society of overabundance that these ideas go against conventional thinking!
Myth #5: Minimalism happens overnight, is all or nothing.
The image is: You either ARE a minimalist and fit within a particular box (perhaps the myths above), or you are NOT a minimalist. Again, some personalities are more extreme, more all in, more inspired by challenges than others. But Minimalism is a mindset and a journey, and the path looks different for everyone.
My sister and I have played with the idea of writing an organizing book together in the future. She jokes that she will share the extreme view - her side of the book will be called the Spartan Method. I will share the slower, more patient view - I may call it the "What turns your Heart on" Method. People process differently, and it is okay to grow in stages. I have always been amazed to watch the "GROWTH SPURTS" God fashioned for babies and children, and I don't think they only apply to the physical. So be gentle with yourself as you make intentional decisions about how to fashion your life and surroundings! Maybe you can join me in being an "intentionalist" who also aspires to Minimalism!
Myth #6: Minimalists are all backpacking the world or living in tiny RVs - crunchy, vegan, millennial free spirits avoiding all responsibility.
I think many Minimalists started with a significant life change, but here we are, back to the all or nothing box! Your priorities might not have anything to do with travel: you may spend your newfound free time serving the elderly, or your extra finances (from more thoughtful purchasing habits) supporting a battered women's shelter. Perhaps you will use the additional space in your easier-to-maintain-home to host neighbors, coworkers, and family regularly, investing in relationships. It's about taking FULL responsibility for the choices that shape your reality and realizing we don't have to walk the same hamster wheel.
This myth makes me laugh because this description may be the antithesis of me. Still, the concepts of Minimalism and the definitions we will explore in the next post inspire me to really consider my big picture. And watching people make dramatic choices on their journeys, no matter how different from mine, is encouraging too!
Fall is a great time to organize the garage, so in the month of October we'll offer some organizing and storage suggestion for the garage.
The first step is to decide what does NOT belong. That looks different for everyone. But if it is no longer in working order or is not something you have used in a year or is a household item you already decided to donate but now sits in the garage, waiting to make it to its final destination, you have some hauling to do. Don't let it continue to take up your valuable space and when possible, pass it on to someone who will actually use it!
Discard what is unusable (if you have more than you can discard in a weekly pick up, consider a run to the Solid Waste Authority (there is a $20 minimum, but I have never exceeded it even with a minivan filled to the brim) or a dumpster service like BinThereDumpThat.com)
Clean and donate any items that still have use - Toys, athletic equipment, tools and gardening items are often in high demand and can be donated to general centers or specialty places like Habitat for Humanity centers or YMCA. There are also consignment shops like Play It Again Sports and Kid To Kid for sports equipment and toys.
While you have the car out and the garage emptied and sorted - (trash, donate, move to another area of the house, keep in garage), take a little time for deep cleaning from top to bottom. With things as empty as they've been all year, vacuum and dust from ceiling to floor, clearing cobwebs and wiping down fridge and shelf units. Then focus on the floor: sweep out the leaves that have blown in, vacuum the mats, clear oil stains with cat litter, dish soap and a wire scrub brush. Use a slightly damp sponge mop to wipe down the walls and floors as well. If you have our Swiss Trax flooring installed, take this chance to vacuum the dust and residue that has collected in the channels in the last 6 months!
Consider your "high rent" real estate. The first level is the space you need to park, move, and function well in your garage. In the next level of "rent", keep the items you use regularly within easy reach and simple storage. Items that you only access once or twice a year should be stored out of the way in the lower rent districts of long term storage. Take time this week to see what rarely accessed items are being given PRIME locations, and see what you can do to maximize your storage space, getting them up and out of the way if possible!
Here you can see the 4x8 overhead rack option at the top left, to maximize ceiling space above garage doors and parked cars. Monkey Bars shelving offers high storage for totes while still offering hooks, hanging baskets, shelves and specialized options for sports equipment. To the left is a wall mounted Monkey Bar, which allows for the same attachments flush to the wall. Lots of possibilities - consider what works in your space!
One Extra Tip: Sports Equipment can get smelly, especially when young athletes leave their items in their gear bags. Bacteria thrives in moist environments, so teach your kids to air it out after every game and practice! Wire baskets and netting bags offer convenient options to store your gear away from dusty, dirty and moist environments.
Your attention is a powerful force. It can be diverted to, or away from, things that are important.
Picture an auditorium filled with an audience, young and old. They have arrived for the musical, ready to be swept up by the story, the show tunes, the color, the dancing. The lights go down, the show starts, and 20 minutes in, an older gentleman in the back gets a tickle in his throat. Having felt it, his attention is now focused there, in the throat. He is here to enjoy a play, and as a good audience member, does not want to interrupt others with a cough. So he sits, maybe clears his throat a little, shifts in his seat, tries a cough drop from his wife's handbag. But that tiny tickle is now all he can think of, and eventually, he takes an early intermission, leaves the auditorium, coughs, walks about, gets some fresh air, has a drink. Once the attention was focused there, he could no sooner ignore that tickle than an elephant in the seat in front of him.
Maybe you have experienced a situation like this, or maybe something like dizziness, a muscle twitch, became a focus of your attention. Just by thinking about pain in your head or stomach, you can create the actual feeling and experience (this is not an experiment I'd recommend). Here's the more positive experiment, and the flip side: Think about how strong your body is, how capable. Get into Superman Pose - Stand up straight, hands on hips, head held high - and feel your ability to conquer the day. Take a minute to recognize the positives and blessings in your life and focus on the good things going on.
We are bombarded daily with distractions that channel our attention away from the more important tasks at hand that deserve our focus. Or towards mindsets and worries that drain us of energy. But we have the power to channel our attentions to our amazing attitudes, productive passions, and creative capabilities and energize those traits, and ourselves, in the process!
“In the childhood memories of every good cook, there's a large kitchen, a warm stove, a simmering pot and a mom. "
One of my very earliest memories involves the story of me, my dog Bridie, and the pudding. Now, this is one of those family stories that has been told and retold, so that you have to wonder whether I actually remember the event, or just being told it at an early age. But, I have this mental picture of a dawn kitchen, lights still out except the bulb in the fridge, in front of which I sat around the age of 3, on the floor with a large bowl of pudding my mom had prepared the night before. My dog is on the floor right next to me, keeping me company. Now, it turns out, in my parents retelling, the pudding was being eaten with one bite for me, and one bite for my partner in crime (eww!), they didn't even yell at me ("I mean, you were such a good kid in general, what was the big deal?"), and the story repeats itself at some point down the road with me, Bridie, and a bag full of Oreos!
But, really, our kitchens are the places of family meals, late night snacks, early morning cups of coffee. The work of meal planning can be the bane of our existence, but the feeling of serving a hot, healthy meal of comfort food on a cool evening as everyone gathers around hungry, enjoying the delicious smells, is one to cherish.
Kitchens have so much happening in them, it can be hard to keep up. But, in most kitchens, overflowing drawers and cabinets are doing us NO favors. Counters cluttered with kitchen appliances make meal prep and clean up even harder, and outside items are just in the way. So, here are categories you can organize in your kitchen today!
1. "Junk" Drawers:
I just reduced from THREE kitchen junk drawers down to two and it feels great! (See, organizers don't judge!!) The old junk drawer became the home for my caddy of herbal teas - it looks great in the drawer, just below our electric tea pot, and it is wonderful to have it off the counter!! All of my junk drawers have desk organizers and each contain their own general category, but they are still "catch-alls" for items that probably don't warrant the "high rent" space of my kitchen's top drawers. Junk drawer #2, I'm gunning for you next! How about you, do you have a drawer that should be in YOUR crosshairs?
2. Things that just don't belong in the kitchen:
Junk mail, laundry baskets, soccer balls, craft projects - sometimes our kitchen counters are the easy drop off point for all sorts of crazy stuff. Take a few weeks to get consistent with your family (AND YOURSELF!) and reinforce a new rule that outside items can't land in the kitchen!!
3. Rarely used kitchen items that aren't earning their high rent:
When you are cooking and cleaning, the important items need to be easy to grab - you don't have time to dig through overflowing drawers and cabinets.
The first question to ask is whether you really NEED these items if you haven't pulled them out in 1 year, 2 years, 5 years. If your friend borrowed this and lost it, would you be running to Amazon to replace this at full price? Or could you live without it?? If you would just live without it, is it really worth having to move it out of the way every time you need your favorite pot? Let these items GO - and if they are in good shape, let them find a new home where they will be used and enjoyed!!
But, there's a second category that we often find not earning high rent - the once or twice a year items. Maybe in the summer you make homemade popsicles with your kids, or ice cream, or fruit pies. Maybe each Christmas it is worth having 5 cookie sheets and cooling racks for a marathon session. Maybe you have a "birthday season" like we do here, and during those weeks cake decorating tips, cupcake carriers, and cake stands get used regularly. But maybe these seasonal items sit unused the other 45 weeks of the year. Don't give them prime cabinet space!! Put them in the basement, garage, the tippy top shelf of a closet that requires a chair to access. It's okay that they are hard to get to next season - enjoy having them out of the way while they aren't earning their keep!!
4. Items that seem to "reproduce":
Here are the top 3 in my kitchen: linen items, knives, and spoons/spatulas. These are the items in our home that need replaced most often I think... but when the new ones come in, the old ones get justified because, "You can always use an extra [knife, dishrag, wooden spoon].
For me, linen items includes washcloths, cute kitchen towels, potholders and aprons. I love these items fresh and new, but they each have their space and they can't exceed their limits. So, I'm getting pretty good at following the one in, one out rule and rotating my dish towels seasonally.
Knives - another organizer confession - I have TWO woodblocks on my counter right now. One was a wedding gift, but likely no longer contains ANY of the original knives (which I loved!) just a nice mix of individual replacements. The second was an attempt at a full replacement. I tried Chicago Cutlery and I HATE this set. Others in my family use it, but the first is still my go to when I am grabbing something for chopping. Putting on my organizer hat, there are easy solutions - I'm going to implement one in the next month and only keep the ones that "bring me joy"!
Spoons/spatulas/scrapers - this category's problem is a mix of both - either we keep because "you can't have too many" OR because we just still like the old one better... even if the old spatula has a little tear in the silicone. But, again, get clear on the space allotted, and stay well within it!
What are your chronic reproducers? What limits can you set?
5. Food items:
I recommend a good system for those edible items that need to circulate. Maybe you like to give a mouse a cookie, so you go to the grocery store to shop for cookies. At the grocery store, you find a great sale, so you buy a WHOLE BUNCH of cookies. You bring the cookies home and try to put them away in your pantry. But your pantry is already full, because the grocery store had a great sale last month, too, and you also stocked up then. Because you really like giving cookies to mice. Your child is helping to put away groceries, so he stuffs them all into the front of the cabinet... Confusion, disorder, and food waste ensue! Don't be tempted to use your pantry as a grocery store - just buy what you need! For now, get things in order by date, and get rid of the expired items. Consider donating perishables you have too many of to a food bank - don't just let them sit in your cupboard going out of date!! And commit to not buying more until you open the next-to-last package of each item and it is actually on your grocery list!
Help your kitchen work for you! Streamline it - don't stuff it to the gills! Give yourself room to maneuver and enjoy your kitchen again!
I'm excited to have a small article published in York County Medicine on the topic of reducing stress by getting organized!
When our spaces and lives are disorganized, we are constantly behind and overwhelmed. It can seem so hard to regain control - but by building systems brick by brick, we can start to find the peace that comes from having good routines and having tidy spaces where we know where things are.
Some seasons of our lives can throw even the "naturally organized" for a major loop. These events make it really hard to keep up with things, much less get ahead of them. The illness of a loved one, a new baby, a change in marital status, a move... It is always okay to reach out for extra help, but if you find yourself in a season that has you stretched thin on time and emotional bandwidth, I really encourage you to be gentle with yourself, and consider bringing in some extra back up!
It's Memorial Day weekend and time to kick off summer!!
We spend more time out and about over the summer - picnics, hikes, park days, baseball games, fireworks - so you might find yourself living out of your car more than usual. Here are some items worth packing (and repacking!) so that you are ready for whatever adventures summer sends your way!
1. Sunglasses, Sunscreen, baseball caps - I always have back up shades in the car, though our family can usually get by without the others!
2. Sheet/picnic blanket - This comes in handy any time you need to sprawl on the grass - parks, concerts, beaches, etc. It is also useful to protect your car's seats and floors after a muddy, sandy, or wet adventure!
3. Camp Chairs - Because I'd rather not be on the ground these days! And you fit in better with the "cool" soccer moms!
Sharpie - I'm going to mention this must-have here as a public service announcement for the team mom in charge of Lost and Found: Label your kids' stuff! With this in your car, your kids can put their name back on their balls, their disc golf frisbees, their water bottles, your camp chair!
4. Water and Snacks - I keep an entire case of water in the trunk so that we are always ready, though we try to pack fresh each day! Chocolate-free trail mixes, beef jerky, and chips are good to "keep around" and fresh fruit is perfect for packing fresh, or grabbing from a roadside stand!
5. First Aid Items - For us this involves both conventional items and essential oils, but we want to be ready to treat: bee stings, cuts, headaches, bruises, allergies, and with a Type 1 Diabetic: Low Blood Sugars.
6. Grocery bags, napkins, paper towels - this was an add-on from my Aunt Kathleen - if you have ever taken a road trip with an incident involving bodily fluids, you know this is a lifesaver! But, it comes in handy in the summer for damp items, bagging up an amazing discovery, wiping up the juice of delicious fruit dripping down your arm, etc.!
7. Backup Clothing - this changes over the years, but:
*Swimsuits, water shoes, towels - they aren't going to resist the creek, water park, swimming hole, sprinkler, so be ready and let them have at it!
*Bowling Shoes - we LOVE the KidsBowlFree program, so bowling shoes are at the ready for frequent rounds of bowling!
* Socks - You need them bowling, at a play place when you stop for lunch, when your other socks are [muddy, dirty, wet] from [puddle hopping, hiking, morning dew]
*The full-out outfit change - we started with toddlers, babies, and mamas caught in the crossfire. I don't know the last time we utilized a clean outfit (I think it was for a younger friend and we rolled up sleeves and pant legs!) but I still have them stashed, because you might as well be ready!
What do you keep in the car for summer?? Must haves? First Aid? What did I miss? Comment Below!
Gretchen Rubin's book, The Four Tendencies provides insight into the way different people react to expectations and motivations. It considers weaknesses of each tendency and ideas to overcome the weaknesses. It also explores how each tendency reacts with others and how to "get along" with the mindset of each!
As you can see above, Upholders respond positively to expectations, both from themselves and others. They enjoy rules, routines, and structure. They thrive with goals and to-do lists. They are the people who find keeping their New Year's Resolutions an achievable plan, and also friends you can count on to come through for you.
Their weakness can be rigidity and inflexibility. They can get stuck in a routine because it is "what I said I would do", sometimes blind to the fact that it is not working for them anymore or no longer a priority. They can benefit from regularly analyzing whether the way they are spending their time is still in line with their priorities.
Because they HATE to make mistakes, they can take it very personally when someone calls them out on an error, especially publicly. As rule followers, they flourish in environments with fair and clear guidelines. They can frustrate others at times with their need to strictly adhere to expectations, but can sometimes be refocused on priorities with a question like, "Is this really important to you?", as it forces them to weigh their strongest internal expectations against a myriad of external expectations that would be impossible to juggle.
The Questioner cannot tolerate rules they deem arbitrary or pointless. They use logic to determine whether any expectations is one they personally find worthy, and if so, it becomes an internal expectation they are willing to fulfill. They like to improve processes, increase efficiency, and share their knowledge with others. They are likely to consider January 1 an arbitrary date to make a new goal, so they reject "New Years" Resolutions, but are fairly willing to make and stick to goals on other dates not set randomly by others.
Their questions can cause others to label them as "bad team players" when they seem to question authority, or group consensus. While internally motivated, they can have trouble completing tasks they see as "pointless". (And let's face it, sometimes in life items ARE silly in and of themselves - school assignments, paperwork in the government or a large business, etc.) It can help a questioner to look at the bigger picture and find motivation in the fact that this item propels him toward a greater goal - his degree or a promotion.
A questioner can dislike being questioned! In the mind of a questioner, the assumption is that of course he did his research and made a careful decision with all due diligence. Questioning such a carefully considered choice is offensive, while carefully asking them to share their process and explain how they came to their decision (to teach you) is more easily accepted. It helps to accept that a questioner needs to ask (and understand) WHY? This might come into play with deadlines - if you tell a group you need an RSVP by Friday, most people will accept that, but the questioner, if he thinks it is arbitrary, will NOT be motivated to comply. If you explain that Friday is the last day to purchase tickets, though, and he understands the reason for deadline, he is much more likely to respond!
An Obliger is dependable, meets deadlines, and keeps promises... to others. But those personal goals that are just for him? He tends to let himself down and just can't find the motivation to get them done. They are flexible, easy-going, willing to do their share, and great team players.
The first major weakness is taking care of personal goals that don't have external deadlines and expectations automatically attached to them. The solution is to find ways to attach that external accountability - the chapter on Obligers is FULL of tricks that might apply, and if you are an obliger who can do a huge project for a group but can't ever make time for self-improvement items, I would HIGHLY recommend for the specific anecdotes. Sometimes just making the to do list is enough to create an external expectation (I MUST check it off the list). For a health goal, working out on a schedule where others are expecting you, rather than alone, might help (same idea for a study group). You are probably the mindset that most needs to guard against the inability to say NO. Practice it!!
Because obligers say yes to others and NOT themselves, they can easily burnout. When they do, they can become resentful. Don't be another person taking advantage of the generosity of obligers! Help them set boundaries and protect themselves - rather than asking them to do it for THEMSELVES, though, ask them to do it FOR YOU!! (Ah, External motivation!!)
Rebels resist all expectations, and value freedom. They don't like to be controlled or told what to do - they will tend to dig in their heels. They even dislike being trapped by commitments of their own choosing. Usually they do the things THEY want to do, enjoy making their own choices, and stay true to their natures. They are driven, and great outside-the-box thinkers.
But, sometimes their desire to defy rules means they will stubbornly refuse to do what they have been asked, even if it is to their detriment, and EVEN if it is the thing they WANT to do! (Picture the child who has decided on the sweet surprise to secretly clean the kitchen the minute his mom leaves for the grocery store. But just as she is about to walk out the door, she turns and says, "Please clean the kitchen while I'm gone." This is the difficult plight of the rebel.) It was harder to get a read on solutions for this mindset. It seems helpful for the rebel to step back and ask what he really WANTS, identify it and avoid the self-sabotage of letting someone's expectations force him to take the opposite stand - which is really very limiting. They can remind themselves they have the power to choose what they want to do, and to be the kind of person they want to be (which like any of us considering our best selves involves many positive character traits.) Rebels need to work to intentionally have that mental picture and make choices to reflect that best self.
If you interact with a rebel, there was a bit more information - and most tips involved a bit of reverse psychology. For example, rather than issuing a deadline as a demand, try a challenge - "I don't think you could possibly get all of this done by Friday, do you?" It may help to clearly present the options and consequences and leave it as a choice, and allow the consequences to happen. I am not clear on how that plays out if your spouse is the rebel and the thing they don't do has consequences for BOTH of you, but it might be worth reading and thinking these things through if you identify this in someone close to you.
Thinking about our personalities and tendencies, and those of the people we are close to is very revealing. The insight into the strengths and weaknesses we each possess, and cultivating the wisdom to accept, embrace, and work with and around them, stretch and grow us! Best of luck as you identify your tendencies and learn to make them work for you!
We all have an innate desire to complete tasks, some personalities more than others! Harness the drive of that internal task master and put it to work for you! Here are some ideas:
1. The To-Do List: In one sense, the power of checking items off a to-do list goes without saying, but the benefits are so many. There is so much value in the exercise of considering your goals, breaking them into smaller chunks, and choosing your priorities for the day, week or month. Keep a long term/reminder to-do list, and one for individual projects, but keep the daily list manageable, and always highlight the top 3 items - if you've gotten THOSE done, it was a successful day.
Remember that sometimes, top items need to include caring for the physical or emotional health of yourself or someone close to you - health is a LOFTY priority and should never be dismissed as unimportant just because it is a little less tangible!
Consider your favorite way to mark items completed - a nice bold strikethrough, the classic checkmark, a smiley face, dragging and dropping a digital item to DONE? And relish the action! Have fun with your to-do list!! I've started calling mine my HOT List - it makes me smile and feel more empowered!
2. Don't Finish what you started: Sounds counterintuitive, but hear me out! I came across this idea in the book PRE-SUASION by Robert Cialdini (he is quizzing a colleague for tips on how she commits to writing so consistently) and it really got me thinking:
Then, offhandedly, she mentioned a strategy of her own that I have used profitably ever since. She never lets herself finish a writing session at the end of a paragraph or even a thought. She assured me she knows precisely what she wants to say at the end of that last paragraph or thought; she just doesn’t allow herself to say it until the next time. Brilliant! By keeping the final feature of every writing session near-finished, she uses the motivating force of the drive for closure to get her back to her chair quickly, impatient to write again.
his is so great! It overcomes your brain's reluctance to get started with the next session, because you AREN'T getting started - you are wrapping something up, and are anxious to get that done! I have a lot of projects to apply this to - research (Ancestry jumps out at me), photo books, writing - I would say most creative pursuits have that point where you can walk away and leave yourself ready to jump right back in. Here's a quote from Moveable Feast that shows Ernest Hemingway used almost this exact strategy: “I had learned already never to empty the well of my writing; but always to stop when there was still something there in the deep part of the well, and let it refill at night from the springs that fed it.” So, you'll be in good company!
3. Start the next thing: As I was marveling through how true the idea above was, I began to realize that for less creative items, the strategy had a complementary flip side - start the next item NOW rather than in the next session. In working toward a reading goal, I am finding (especially with non-fiction) that if I start the next chapter in this session, I am inclined to pick the book back up sooner with the next chapter started - the finish is closer, I know the theme of this chapter and am eager to come back to it.
What about an email you need to write or a card you want to send - can you open the new email, enter the sender's name, a subject and a first sentence? Can you choose the card, find its envelope and write Dear ____? These are easy steps, won't take any time, and your brain will not be overwhelmed by them. But, when you come back to your computer or desk it will be a little easier to write the body of the correspondence, rather than starting from scratch. It really helps to overcome that very human mental hurdle to getting started!!
What else could you apply this to? Almost any kind of data entry or long impossible list - get through the F's, March, the first page. Just Finish the Thousand!
5. Just 10 minutes: You can do anything for 10 minutes (or 5, or 30). Let go of that mental requirement to get a PROJECT done, and just set a timer and be DONE then - 10 minutes of cleaning my kitchen sounds a lot more doable some days than getting my kitchen CLEAN. But I make a lot of progress in 10 minutes, and some days I just keep going, because, hey, I'm almost there! Either way, it is a LOT better 10 minutes later than if I hadn't tackled it at all!
6. So much finishing: Back to Hot Lists, some days and weeks having three main tasks works for me, at other times, I need MICRO lists - I break down tasks into TINY baby steps. Cleaning my bedroom could easily be 6 items on my list - make bed, file papers on desk, clear nightstand, new box of tissues, straighten the dresser drawer that's been driving me crazy, wrap the present that has been sitting in the corner for a week.
Sometimes my mindset is such that itemizing to that level and creating mini-wins that are easy to complete makes it easier to get started, keeps me focused, and encourages me with small successes - embrace the micro list if that is the kind of day you are having, or stick to the general categories and commit to your "three big rocks".
So, combat the part of your brain that throws up roadblocks to getting started, and embrace the side that likes to complete a job. Find ways to overcome those mental hurdles and finish some items on YOUR hot list today!
I actually love goal-setting: saying it out loud, writing it down, quantifying it - this is the first step! But it needs to be followed by the second step - making a plan - I always think of that as "baby steps" - how do I break this into bite-sized chunks I can actually wrap my head around?? (This goes for short term as well as long term goals!)
Two Personal Examples:
Goal 1: Read 50 books this year. That's an average of a book a week or just over 4 books a month. 4 books a month works better for me, because I like to keep a variety of books open for different moods - organizing books for when I am up and cleaning and learning, fiction and classics when my mind needs to wander, business books, etc. Even if I read on car rides, while cleaning, and before bed, I'm actually likely to reach the goal - so that's the plan! Have something in the queue for car rides, turn on an audiobook for 30 minutes of cleaning time, and read 20 minutes before bed. If you haven't checked out Scribd - I HIGHLY recommend it for audiobooks (works like Netflix for books!) https://www.scribd.com/g/6o2xxl
Goal 2: Get the CPO designation from NAPO - this requires 1500 paid hours in 3 years. Yikes! That's 500 hours a year which is 10 hours a week, but I plan to exceed that during the summer weeks. It is still a stretch for me, but I am making plans to average 6-8 hours and the goal is seeming reachable! I'll be tracking carefully and watching my progress!
Do you have any goals you are working towards?
Embracing my love for organizing and the joy of encouraging others as we journey through the ups and downs together!
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